Stuck

Something has been bugging me lately, the last few days. Can't really figure out what, though.

Working on our booklet assignment, I have this feeling I will never be quite satisfied, mostly because I don't really know what colors I'm drawn to, or I think the band could like. Now it's a pink/purple/green combination, but what if they don't see a fierce album cover, only something that for some odd reason reminds them of the green goblin in Spiderman? (that's what I see in my minds eye. the cartoon version, not the one from the movie)

On a more personal level, in my own private misery of making music I am very, very...stuck. Completely. I have this need for a band, a real one, with musicians that truly know their craft. People that can put a little personality to it. I'm sure they're out there, but I don't know where to look. We were talking, me and a friend, but he and the boys are all so busy (and I get that), but it puts me in a standstill and well...

And the other thing, I find myself writing the same song over and over again. It's boring me out and driving myself from the piano and I'm suddenly spending all my free time in the kitchen.

Come to think of it, I'm doing it again. What I have been doing for years, throwing myself into other projects so I don't have to roll up my sleeves and do what I really want. 'cause THAT would be scary, to say the least.

Well, hope this little post can service as a good kick in the butt.

phones

Telephonecompanies are evil. Or dumb.

This is the feeling of pure isolation. I have to get a back-up phone... with another company..

If they had been funny, they would have sent me a textmessage or a email saying "happy birthday" today. But I don't think they'd be that clever.

Oh well, otherwise, all is good.

Waiting for...

...one pie to cool.

I have found a new friend. In food. Not so much in the comfort of actually eating it, but in making it.

New dream: to start a café. One day.

I've been thinking. It's pretty funny in a way, when I was done with the lastest song (in the figure she's in right now) I had this feeling of.. excitement. Anticipation. Posted it, on another site, and I don't know why but I had this feeling that maybe this time, this time the ball would start rolling. Like I would be on my way. So I went to bed, slept well, and the next day I realized (oh what a shock) that nothing had changed. I'm still right here not having the fainest idea of what my next move should be. I've talked with a friend about recording, for real, but it has stopped at words and nothing more. You know, like both parties are waiting for a convenient time.

Some days I do wonder, this singing thing, is it really what I want to do? One part says yes, I've done alot by now for my voice. I'd like to be presented with the next step. Making plans was easy, dreaming is easy. The next part seems tricky. Clouded. Like there is this door but I seem to have misplaced the knob.

I don't really believe it's self-doubt. Or maybe it is? Or just the lack of bravery?

Moving on then.